The waiting game

Even though I am not expecting to have those embryos back in my tummy, I felt the anxiety that goes with the IVF process. How many of the six eggs got fertilized? How many of those embryos will make through? You better buckle up; it is an amazing roller coaster ride!

I take this as a privilege as most donor-eggs are unknown to receiver, so I am not too sure whether the same donors fell the same, as once the eggs are collected, they no longer belongs to donor; they belong to the recipient.

Day after collection I texted Abby asking what time was she meant to call the embryologist, the reply was within one hour. It was the longest hour of my life, the unbearable curiosity, the hopeless hope, the gruesome fear...

Now it will become clear why I said only six eggs previously. Out of those six, only four were fertilized.  The chances of Abby having a Day5 transfer are pretty dim.

I was in a very foul mood all day Saturday. I think my body misses the hormones or is trying to make a living again without them.  On Sunday the mood swings eased a bit and again, the waiting for that midday phone call was painful.  I tried not to think about it, but I couldn't help it.

Abby called early in the afternoon, saying that 2 embryos looked ok, and the other 2 did not look that good. She is to go back to Clinic on Monday to receive one the best looking out of those two embryos that looked ok.

She is there as I type this. Can’t imagine how excited she must be. It is a “funny” way to conceive a child, but well worth it.

I had a long conversation with my dad yesterday, he wasn't sure of this in the beginning, but now he is totally convinced and optimist about a positive pregnancy test in two weeks time. I have strong feeling that it will work.

I am going up in the roller coaster ride; praying that there will be no sudden fall, just one amazing “o” loop, where I can lift my hands up in the air and scream with joy!

This ride isn't over, not yet!

The egg collection day!

It’s Friday and I am seating on the front seat!

Six beautiful eggs were collected today! At the clinic where I am going they grade the eggs from 1 to 4; 1 being the best quality and 4 the worst. I had five eggs graded 1 and one egg graded 2. The grading system does not guarantee they will make to day five. How many will make it to day five?

We will have to wait and see. The process is so unpredictable, and at the same time so precise! We are aiming for a blastocyst transfer, but Abby may have to do a 3Day transfer, depending on how the embryos go through the days. For more info on the difference between a blastocyst and 3Day transfer please see helpful link: http://parentsviaeggdonation.org/embryofaq.html 

Going back a few days, it was great news to stop the medications and just take one last shot, the trigger injection. I woke up with a massive headache the following day though.

It was wonderful to go on about life without having to worry about ultrasounds and blood tests. I even had my hair permed, straight, so I can let the wild curls grow without guilt! I was off the injections and nasal spray for one day, and felt like I was having a “withdrawal” symptom. Interesting how we get used to some sort of routine so quickly.

With only (feels wrong to say only) six eggs, it is somewhat true that I will have to go through the fertility process again, which I would happily do it. The process has not been as hard as I expected. The end result is far more rewarding than any purple spots in my tummy and blood tests so close together. The emotional roller coaster is a killer; It is hard to prepare yourself to fail when you want to be hopeful and positive! I have mentioned to  a friend that a person going or gone through an IVF process should state that in their resumes, as it takes a lot of determination to pursue it, courage to accept the fall and strength to lift your head up and keep it going. 

For now, I will wait until tomorrow!

Ups and Downs of the IVF process

Three days later after I drafted the previous post, I started Gonal F; didn’t notice any bruising in my tummy until the next day, and still don’t think much about it. I am currently on Day 8 of Gonal F and for the past couple of days my life has been filled with the ups and down of the IVF process.

My first blood test was on my son’s birthday. The results came that afternoon and looked good. I was asked to go in again two days later to follow-up with ultrasound and another blood test. Here lays the good news! I have 11 follicles, six in a very good size (11,12,14,15 & 16) and five in an ok size (3x8 and 2x9). The Doctor was anticipating to see anywhere from 8 to 15 follicles, so I have a good crop. The bad news is that when blood result came back, my LH level (luteinizing hormone) was high, it was 15 meaning that I was about to ovulate! My dear Synarel has not been very effective; the fear that we might have to cancel or hurry into theatre to try to rescue what those nice six follicles were about to release became a real possibility. I had to hurry back to the clinic the same afternoon; I was there within 30 minutes of the nurse’s call.

My tummy now knows no mercy! I have started another injection; Orgalutran. Man that one hurts and stings for quite a while! Not a happy tummy, although it looks funny when you see all shades of purple...

I went for another blood test today and the painful Orgalutran has done its magic, from 15 my LH levels have reduced to 3!!!

I am going to do another blood test and ultrasound tomorrow and depending how the once little follicles look now, harvesting will be done on Friday! I’m a walking egg farm! In the meantime, Abby’s endometrium is ready and next week is not coming quick enough! We have no control over this, can only pray it works! All it takes is one egg –just one egg!  

By the way, I feel no different. I haven’t gone feral, but Henry insists I have been indifferent! Go figure!

AMH Levels, to know or not to know it?

A few days after the last post I got the result of my AMH (Anti-Mullerian Hormone) this is a blood test to determine fertility. In Australia, a woman is considered to be on the low side of fertility if her AMH number is less than 14. See helpful link: http://ivf.com.au/ovarian-reserve-amh-test

 I am 34 years old and my AMH level is 5.9!!! Not even a six?! Well, I was shocked. The shock here is possibly very different from most women that haven’t been able to conceive, as I have fallen pregnant three times and have had two healthy babies  -and a miscarriage, so when you are given a number and told you are low; it felt like a slap in the face and a reminder that I was getting old.  Would I still be able to help Abby? I also had to consider the impact of knowing this number. I have always thought about having more children when I move back to Brazil... Then Henry did a great job in reminding me about our old conversations, so I put my AMH level knowledge in the “bin”.

The joy here is that even with a low AMH level, I will still produce eggs; there are countless women that have a single digit, even smaller than mine, that have been able to conceive. It just gets harder to harvest as many as possible and the production of good quality eggs is reduced.

I will start on Gonal F (I say it “gone feral”) soon, with a 300iu dose. Not sure if this is the highest dose, but it is what I will start with.  In the mean time, I am on day 15 of Synarel and do I feel any different? No, not really.

The hay fever symptoms are still there after I inhale the hormones; I have no headaches and my mood has not been badly affected.  I had my “bad mood day” and that was it, but if there was anything that could bring a tear or two, now it means that I will cry a river... Crying is good for the soul, so I am not bothered. I am though, sleeping a lot. I feel constantly tired!

Synarel was meant to delay my period, but it didn’t. I had the worse cramps and the heaviest period in my life! I reported to the nurse how bad the cramps were, really, they were like contractions and how heavy the flow was. All symptoms that Synarel is meant to help with, (reduce cramps, flow, painful bowl movements, etc) I had on the opposite side of the scale! She (the nurse) was surprised as she never heard anyone reporting that before and we were quick to blame my body, still recovering from the cyst removal!