Isn't this ironic?

I just read my last post and realised how often I refer to God as “Ironic”.

It’s now February and a lot has happened since my last post. Since I am only human, I can only remember the bad bits although I try my best to see the other side of the coin.

Abby lost her baby at 7 weeks, what a great way to celebrate my birthday: Not! It was horrible and the ordeal she had to go through was quite extensive; blood test after blood test and a thought of a possible atopic pregnancy.

Right before Christmas we were back at the Doctor. I have agreed to do another cycle. One more time, to give Abby an opportunity of having more children, as she only has two embryos in the freezer which, by the way do not look very hopeful. Remember that they were frozen at 4 days, which means fewer cells. Anyway, I keep the thought of they may not look good but may give great results!

As you aware, I am not as fertile as I possibly could, and I have been stimulated once, hence my chances of getting nice, good eggs reduce.  So, instead of Abby trying her luck with the two embryos, the Dr. suggested to do a fresh cycle.

It makes perfect sense and yes, the Dr. knows what she is talking about!

Tomorrow is my ‘Egg Collection Day’! Let me tell you, this time around, the ride has been easier but when it became tough, it was tough!

I was subscribed a 350 iu dose of Gonal F, a slight increase from last time and thankfully no Synarel!!! It didn’t prove all that effective on me, but it also meant I had to endure more shots of Orgalutran. I had 4 shots on the 3^rd I learned a trick to help reduce the bruising; I can’t rub the injection spot after injecting! No bruised tummy with the last two shots, but the bruise from first two is still visible!

So what was easy and what was tough? The meds were the easy part, no strange side effect and I think I that Henry would say that I am no different, besides being a little bit emotional-irrational when things got tough.

Picture this: First ultrasound of first IVF cycle, I had 11 follicles, which were great! Even with all the other complications I finished the cycle with 7 follicles and 6 eggs! First ultrasound of second IVF cycle, I had three (3) follicles! What the heck?! I was expecting at least the same numbers as before!!!

My logical side is thinking is this worth it? I mean three?! Is that right? To end the IVF cycle would be Abby’s call. I thought of the expense, she thought of the possibility. I cried over the end of my ‘fertile status’ and she laughed when I told her that we are like two blind mice. Emotionally, I will tell you, it was tough, especially when you are on high dose of hormones!

I look back now and think of all the tears I shed on this. I felt incapable, although I know I have no control over my body. I felt like God had slapped my face and was laughing at my cost; I can hear the teasing... I feel young, I am young, but my body is really slowing down... The Dr. knew what she was talking about; if we waited another six months (in case two embryos didn’t result in pregnancies) my chances of harvesting good eggs would decrease even more.

The hope now is that these three follicles hold three perfect eggs which will get fertilized, turn into beautiful embryos and last not only the five days to transfer but an entire pregnancy.

Now, the irony of this is that if all goes well, it means that Abby will have a baby around her birthday this year; which will make her forget that it was around the same time last year when she first miscarried. I pray to God that this is the case! I would love to keep ‘my tradition of an Ironic God’.

I say that not in a disrespectful way, it is just because you have to try hard to find where God is when things don’t go as you wish. You have to flip the coin & search for it. Where is God when I saw three follicles? He was there, laughing at my thought of invincibility and assuring me that these three follicles are all Abby needs.  No excess, just the right dose of perfection.

I am still trying to find the other side of the coin on my childhood friend’s death.  Betinho died two days after Christmas in a fatal accident. Not only my world collapsed, but all that knew him. He was only 35; only two months and ten days older than me. He was serious and silly, boring and fun. He endured a lot in his short life and always came out on top of it. I will miss him dearly. His death changed a few priorities in my life.